Mr. Anderson Made Us Eat Bugs!

May 21, 2015

Screenshot+from+chapul.com

Screenshot from chapul.com

Gabi: So I walk into 9th period and the class agrees to do this mystery taste test. I proceed to continue on like it’s simply a normal day; login to the computer and open up the Warrior Ink page and my google drive. Everyone proceeds to talk amongst themselves while we wait the awful food, if you can call it that, we were about to put in our mouths.

Anderson walks into the room with an open box and asks us to wait a moment more while he sets up the taste test. Once he’s ready, he calls us all over to that table.

Before us are three paper plates with these bars of something on that that are various shades of brown. I see one that looks as though there are nuts in it, one that looks similar to a chocolate bar, and one that it so dark brown it’s almost black. I’m immediately skeptical about putting these things in my mouth.

The flavors were all written around the edge of each plate. The first was coconut, ginger, and a few other assorted flavors that I did not take the time to read. The next was peanut butter and chocolate, that one seemed at least a little appealing, despite the that fact that it didn’t really look anything like human food. And the last was labeled dark chocolate and cayenne pepper.

Suddenly I regretted signing the permission paper that got in this position in the first place. I waited a moment and let a few others take a bite first. Their reactions made me want to taste these…interesting bars less and less. But I agreed to do this, so I sucked it up and took a bite of the peanut butter one first.

Now, let me just say that I absolutely love anything peanut butter and anything chocolate, and combined is even better. But this bar was most certainly not something I loved in any way. I wasn’t quite sure how something that was meant to have such an amazing flavor could ever taste so bad. There was something that had the faint taste of raisins, as we all agreed. I instantly knew there had to be something else in this bar other than peanut butter and chocolate.

Regardless of my newfound fear of the mysterious food before me that I wasn’t sure was truly edible at this point, I took a bite of the dark chocolate and cayenne pepper one. That one was worse. I can’t exactly describe WHAT it tasted like, it was a very new thing to me, but it was awful. I could feel the cayenne pepper and taste it a bit and I could most certainly tell it was dark chocolate. From what I do remember about that bar is it was bitter. Very bitter.

I had already jumped in too far to stop so I went ahead and took a bit of the one with ginger and coconut. Instantly my mouth was full of the ginger flavor, it was almost overwhelming. I swallowed that small bite and grabbed a bottle of water and chugged. No matter how much water I drank, the taste of those three awful things wouldn’t go away.

Anderson then revealed the mystery to these things he was calling food. The secret ingredient was…wait for it…crickets. Well, cricket flour to be specific.

I think it’s safe to say my disgusted reaction was to be expected.  I would never put myself through the torture of eating those “protein bars” ever, EVER again.

 

Kasey: A protein bar claiming to substitute your daily dose of meat?  Sounds like something too good to be true, and although it may be the truth, it definitely isn’t good.

It’s called the “Chapel Cricket Energy Bar” and I was not disgusted by the second word of the title, even though it was not revealed until after I’d tasted it.  In fact I was simply performing a taste test for journalism teacher Mr. Anderson.  He calls this “experiential journalism” like someone reviewing a movie, or a restaurant, and displayed a cut up version of the bars on plates labeled with the interesting flavors.  There was the “Thai” bar, (consisting of coconut, ginger and lime) the “Aztec” bar (made up of dark chocolate, coffee and cayenne pepper) and the simple “Chaco” bar (chocolate and peanut butter).

Being 9th period, I was hungry…who isn’t by the end of the school day?

Seeing these combinations and wondering if they picked the ingredients they combined from a hat, I played it safe and went with the Chaco bar first.  Upon first glance, I’m not going to lie to you, it looked like a nice (albeit flat) hunk of feces. However, with my stomach furiously growling, and the fact that I was basically under contract now to try it, I stuffed a piece in my mouth.  Surprisingly, the flavor that stood out to me most was what I thought were raisins (later revealed to be dates). Shocked from the misleading flavor, I spit it out, however, I would’ve begged for it back after trying the next two.  The Thai bar was full of flavor–and aftertastes.  Immediately I spit it out after tasting weird lime and coconut and was instantly hit with the ginger (which in it’s defense would’ve been good on its own) and I quickly moved on the the last bar.

Full of hope, I took a bite of the Aztec. It was… an instant mistake.  I don’t know why I thought I would enjoy the spice of cayenne pepper when I can barely eat a jalapeno but this aftertaste would not leave my mouth as I rued my willingness to participate in the experiment.  In the end when it was revealed that they were also filled with cricket flour, i.e., ground up bugs, I honestly did not care.  In fact if someone made a successful product with cricket in it I would applaud them.  However, even as someone who is not that picky, I was not amused with these protein bars.  I would much rather eat any of the many kinds of yummier, cheaper, unhealthier, granola bars.

 

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