Terrible Christmas Songs – Why are They a Tradition?

Konner Berlund, Music Maestro

Here’s a seasonal riddle: what do Ariana Grande and Insane Clown Posse have in common?

If you’re stumped: it’s a least one Christmas song.

Let’s just be blunt: Christmas songs are usually bad. I mean, have you ever heard Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas”?  Even if you are a fan of Elvis, it’s just terrible – cheesy and repetitive and lame, especially compared to his other work.

Christmas is the time for a lot of “traditional” things including songs. Sure you have your “Winter Wonderland” and “White Christmas” and they’re fine, but when artists try to come up with new Christmas songs it’s usually a flop.

So many artist try to make Christmas songs yet fail hard. One example is Tyler the creator “Grinch soundtrack” which is really bland. Tyler seems like he doesn’t want to make this soundtrack and they just gave him a lot money. He sounds bored and uninterested in every song he’s doing. Its a bad version of his last album “Flower Boy.”

Another example of an artist that fails heavy in the Christmas category is Ariana Grande, with  her version of “Santa Baby.” Now this is a cover of an already not great song, now down with a basic meh singer. And you get a meh song that is basic and I guess does its job for whats it’s meant to be – which is clearly a cash-in for Grande, and an excuse to wear a snowflake-themed body stocking she got at Strippers R Us.

Because it wouldn’t be Christmas without some rap-metal, yes you heard that correctly, ICP aka the Insane Clown Posse made what I believe is possibly THE worst Christmas song I’ve ever heard called “Santa Killers.” A song all about how they hate Santa and want him dead for no reason. They don’t really even do anything interesting with the idea either, it’s just awful–not because of the idea of killing Santa, but because the song itself sucks. “I reached for my nine and shot him in the spine” is a rhyme not even worthy of a kindergartener.

Personally I hate most Christmas songs. But because of the usual delivery, uninpsired lyrics and overall production that sounds like many of them were recorded in the bathroom. So here’s hoping your holiday doesn’t feature bad, boring Christmas songs.